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Sticky Learning Lunches #6: Get to Know Your Employees and How People Feel Whilst Working Remotely
Use these two simple methods to find out how people feel because happy employees are productive employees. Use your time working from home to become the very best version of yourself. This is a Virtual Classroom of 20-minutes, followed by a 10-minute Q&A.
You Can Read the Full Transcript Below:
Nathan Simmonds:
Good afternoon. I wanted to open up the window. We’ve got a couple of minutes before everyone’s coming. I can see there’s a few people already waiting, so I wanted to start this session off as quickly as possible. Get you in the room. Say good afternoon to you. See what’s going on. Bear with me. Today’s session is all about emotions. That’s one of the key things we’re gonna be looking at today. I
Nathan Simmonds:
‘m just rejigging some of my windows so I can make sure I can see what’s going on. So the first question for me right now, how is everybody feeling right now? So this could be week 2, 3, 4 of current situation of the coronavirus lockdown. Good morning. Uh, good afternoon Andy.
Nathan Simmonds:
How are you currently feeling in this situation? You’ve got the chat box. Question box over here. Plug it in. Tell me how you’re feeling right now. I wanna see what emotions are coming up. Gonna blow my nose. It’s a bit clear here today. On a scale of three, then one being not so good, two in the middle, three feeling good on a three scale. How are we feeling? Three is a good. Two’s in the middle. Got a couple of in the middle East. How else are the rest of us feeling? One, not so, three being absolutely. How are we? A few more people still coming into the room right now,
Nathan Simmonds:
Just getting a gauge of how we’re feeling while the rest of the people go. Again, let’s make sure we’ve got drinks handy and available. Herbal teas. We’ve got pen and paper ready. We’re gonna dive into this very shortly. I wanted to let you know we are not gonna be running at this point in time, a session this Friday, Friday off for you guys. Everyone’s thinking in different places. We are gonna be running the session tomorrow, again, one o’clock tomorrow, Thursday, last session for this week, which is gonna be around the, the technical, the technology side of what we’re doing for work and at, at home.
Nathan Simmonds:
So welcome back. Absolutely. We’re just getting into this. We’re gonna share the link for tomorrow’s session. If you haven’t already registered for tomorrow’s session, Sarah’s gonna drop that link into the chat box. Click through there in a in a minute while we’re doing this, and while you’re listening and register for tomorrow’s session, which is gonna be a bit more about technology for tomorrow to help you working from home.
Nathan Simmonds:
Ah, good. There’s the link. Thank you very much. What are we covering today? We are covering emotions, how we are feeling, how other people are feeling, what are our emotions, how we are going to direct them and what we’re gonna do with them. And some quick route to help us make the best use of them. Okay, Good. I think everybody’s in,
Nathan Simmonds:
Let’s bring this to life. Who right now is experiencing yes or nos in the, in the questions of chat box, who right now is experiencing some new emotions or, um, experiencing a higher level of emotion right now in this current situation? Yes. Or nos in the chat boxes? Who’s experiencing more emotion right now? Yes. Yes. Coming through? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Guys, let me be frank and honest with you.
Nathan Simmonds:
It was a loaded question. Okay. We are in isolation. We’re in a lockdown situation. We talked a bit about this, um, last week about the isolation. These are some of the symptoms of cabin fever at a very kind of low level. So the emotions, we’re starting to get a little bit more erratic. We’re getting a bit more snappy. We don’t know what to do them with them. We are in close proximity to those we love and we care about just at a very intense level.
Nathan Simmonds:
And for those of us that maybe haven’t got gardens or haven’t got access to green spaces, they can get to that, that relate, that closeness is getting quite, you know, is getting a, a completely different level of intensity with it. And we’re gonna look at some of the things we need to be doing that’s gonna help us move through this. So what are our emotions? The first thing we wanna understand is what are our emotions? Taking your advice. I’m not using the purple pen today. So definitely not.
Nathan Simmonds:
Our emotions are a gauge. They’re like a barometer for the quality of our thinking. Everything that we are experiencing always starts with a thought. So whether that thought was what you learned from your parents, what you’ve learned from TV or a book that you’ve read or from your previous experiences, the moment that you go into that experience or a situation similar to that, the thought kicks in and then the emotion comes out.
Nathan Simmonds:
So every thought, every emotion is predicated on a thought. And Marcus really has said it most clearly is things are neither good or bad. It’s the thinking that makes them that way. Things are neither good or bad, it’s the thinking that makes them that way. So every emotion you are experiencing when you are looking at a situation is based on how you are thinking about it.
Nathan Simmonds:
The key element here, and one of the lessons that I I love teaching through making business matter is what you think of a situation is what it becomes quick tie into how we deliver feedback when we are giving someone feedback. Bonus points here in the chat box. What’s the normal conversation or what’s the normal title of a conversation when we want to go and give someone feedback about something they’ve done wrong? What’s the normal con uh, titles we give to these types of conversations?
Nathan Simmonds:
Steely silence. You’ve gotta go and give someone. So-called negative feedback. What’s the normal business title or kind of in politically incorrect title we give to these conversations, coaching sessions and performance. Ideally it would be shit sandwich. We’ve got one of them. . Yeah, a bowl looking, that’s also another one for it. The normal one. We’ve got some good stuff coming in here.
Nathan Simmonds:
The normal one is the difficult conversation. Disciplinary. Yeah, depending where you are in that journey. How many people here have been taught to how to have a difficult conversation or you’ve gone on a training course called difficult conversations?
Nathan Simmonds:
Absolutely. So what are we saying that the conversation’s going to be difficult? So what happens is, at the start of the day, oh, I need to have a d difficult conversation, um, with this person, oh, do you know what that means? They’re gonna be difficult. It’s gonna be difficult. Do you know what? I’m gonna go and find something else to do over here and I’m gonna spend my whole day being busy with all this stuff that needs to be done to justify why I don’t have the conversation with that person over there because of the label that we’re applying to it.
Nathan Simmonds:
So what you think of a situation is what it becomes and then you start to add your emotions to it based on your previous experiences. So it’s super important. We understand it’s the thinking process that is the, is the initiator of where we’re going with this. So what is it we want to do with that life lesson here? Valuable one is it’s the labels that we’re attaching to it that are causing the problem.
Nathan Simmonds:
And it’s now we do this to ourselves and we do this to other people as well. We judge our ina inabilities and our capabilities by attaching different labels to what we think other people think we’re capable of doing complicated. What we need to remember though is labels are Velcro, not super glue. So you can change those labels at any given time and that includes in the isolation and the working from home situation we’re in right now.
Nathan Simmonds:
Let me give this to you as another question. What’s one of the things that’s frustrated you most about working from home and being in isolation right now? What’s one thing that’s challenged you most or caused the frustration to come up? And by the way, if anyone can see the questions there, side just said, just married my wife, that that was a previous statement he made. Not in answer to the question that I’ve just asked. Just covering you there. So I’ve got you back. Missing out on conversations, absolutely.
Nathan Simmonds:
Communication, breakdowns, delays in decision making. So we’ve got three great points that’s come up there. Flip it around with a different question. What’s the positive opposite of those things? We take that last one. The delays in decision making. What’s the positive of those delays in the decision making? When we got the more time to think absolutely missing out on conversations. What’s the positive opposite of this?
Nathan Simmonds:
This? So we’re starting to think a little bit differently. Choice over who to speak to. That’s amazing. Ab absolutely this. So it is the moment, the way we think about one thing from one angle. It causes the emotions to come up and the frustration, we shift the angle. Actually what’s the positive opposite of this? What’s the benefit in this? Okay, let’s go from that angle and start pulling out because all the time you’ll get your, you are stuck in your frustration.
Nathan Simmonds:
It’s causing hesitation all the time that you are complaining. You’re keeping yourself stuck to your circumstances because complaining is the glue that keeps you stuck to your circumstances. You cannot activate solution thinking while you are complaining. So it’s super important.
Nathan Simmonds:
Exactly this another point here. Don’t hear things that would evoke a negative reaction in me. You have peace and quiet to actually think your own thoughts, come up with new ideas and move forward. So it’s all about the labels that we’re applying to a situation. We can change those labels at any given time that helps us think in different ways. So that’s the first thing is one, it is understanding, it’s your thinking that’s causing this.
Nathan Simmonds:
Two, that we can change those labels at any given time and help us to do those. Something else. I was having a conversation with Ross Hardy yesterday and we’ll be sharing that interview later in, in LinkedIn and on the YouTube channel it was talking about now where is that emotion coming from? Is it real or the, the thought that causes it, is it fact or is it fiction?
Nathan Simmonds:
So the way that you are thinking about something, is it actually the truth? And you’ve got irrefutable facts to back that information up, or is it fictitious and you are making it up with your imagination. And from the, for those people that work in, in a more logical space and and need that analysis, asking if it’s fact or fiction is gonna help you then to create a different thought, which then helps you to move into that experience a little bit more cleanly with a little bit more objectivity and a little bit more of a, a progressive stance on it so you can actually do something with it rather than wallow in it.
Nathan Simmonds:
What’s been useful so far, and I’m aware we’re only 10 minutes in so far, what’s been useful so far from what we’ve covered? I’ll wait for those to come in. So that’s the element, the glue, definitely that’s the element. Where did it come from? So what am I thinking about this? What am I doing?
Nathan Simmonds:
How am I causing this, this, this focus of my emotions? Is it real? Is it fake or made up? Boom. Okay, then we can shift that thinking. The next thing we wanna do is we want to create that new view on it. Okay, what am I gonna do with it? One of the key questions I enjoy asking people most when I’m coaching them is, what is the most intelligent use of my current insert set emotion? What is the most intelligent
Nathan Simmonds:
Use of my frustration, of my anger, of my current annoyance in this situation? So as we’re starting to shift the viewpoint, we can then say, well longer I’m frustrated, I’m gonna come to the iams in a minute. I’m feeling frustrated about this. What’s the most intelligent use of that frustration? Maybe it’s actually going for a rough, maybe it’s going to make yourself a coffee and use that energy and redirect it into something purposeful and useful. That’s gonna give you time to get that breeze. So you can choose who you wanna speak to so you can decide what you want to get stuck to.
Nathan Simmonds:
Other questions we can ask, we can ask things. What’s funny about this situation that I didn’t realize yet or I haven’t noticed yet? What other, what’s the best angle to look at this from? So I can see how I can turn this stumbling block into the stepping stone. I can’t remember if it was Roosevelt or Eisenhower talked about that one man stumbling block is another man’s stepping stone. So by shifting the angle, we can see what it can actually become for us. How it can help us move forward.
Nathan Simmonds:
Again, this is important. How we get that, how we look at things, what we think of things is now what we think of a situation is what it becomes super important. We do this. So the first thing is the emotions are led by thought. What are we thinking? The second part is, is how we then start to is is is it fake or is it fictitious? And how we shift that angle.
Nathan Simmonds:
Third part I wanted to cover with you in this training session was I am, this is the most powerful statement that we make through, through our language. And it doesn’t matter which language we’re using, we say I am and whatever comes after the I am is a definite, is an absolute. Working with a leader recently. And they said to me, I’m too emotional. I’ve been told I’m too emotional as a leader, I get too involved. And I said, you’re a human being.
Nathan Simmonds:
You are designed to be emotional. It’s what we come here for the experience for. And I’m not gonna go into some esoteric rant here. As human beings, we are emotional. E stands for e equals energy.
Nathan Simmonds:
We are energy, emotion. So we come here to experience these sensations and create these sensations for other people. As leaders, it is imperative that we understand we have emotions and how we use them. Because if we are not in, um, in touch, in touch with our thinking and our emotions, we can’t be human. And people around us need to be human. Now more than ever in this situation, you cannot be too emotional. What you can be though is lost in your emotions. Being aware of them and how I utilize ’em and how I make the most of ’em is absolutely vital.
Nathan Simmonds:
Whether it’s delivering leadership content, whether it’s coaching or whether it’s um, sparring. When I’m training martial arts, when I’m training martial arts, I tap into my rage. Icy cold rage cuts off the, you know, the other parts. I don’t wanna feel happier at certain, but I want to get what I’m doing done right now. And that’s important. And it’s done with a level of respect and a level of focus.
Nathan Simmonds:
When we say I am angry, we lose ourselves in the emotion because then it becomes a definite and I have no control over what it, because I become the anger rather than saying, I am Nathan Simmons and I’m experiencing the sensation of anger. Okay, what can I do with that? And what I’m doing is I’m creating enough space between me and the emotion to objectively look at it and then make use of it as a tool. The emotion then becomes a tool, becomes an instrument so that I can then create with it and move forward.
Nathan Simmonds:
Rather than sitting here saying, I am frustrated, I am angry, I am upset, I am hurt, you’re not any of those things. You are the person who’s thinking a thought about something which is causing the emotion internally. And then you are attaching that to yourself at an identity level, which is then, um, hobbling you, you and crippling you to actually make use of that energy.
Nathan Simmonds:
Hope this is useful. What we need to understand is even on a physics level, on a science level, energy never stops. It just gets redirected. It never, it doesn’t go off and, and just disappear. The moment that you do something, you hit something, you move something, those shock waves will go around, they’ll move out, they’ll do all of their things. That energy just gets redirected. Where you choose to put that energy is completely up to you, but you can only put it in one place.
Nathan Simmonds:
If you choose to define yourself by the emotion that you are feeling and get stuck in that right now, that’s one way to direct it. If you want to create a space and say that I’m feeling I’m, I’m the person feeling this, what can I do with it to create enough space and then make use of it and move it forward. How is this useful for you?
Nathan Simmonds:
Um, for the team that we’ve got here and these people, this is great for you. Some of you wonderful people here I know have got people in your care. One of the first things that we can do to help them is to help ourselves, which is why I asked the question, how are you feeling getting in touch with? How are you feeling right now?
Nathan Simmonds:
What emotions are coming up for you? Ask yourself these questions so that you can go and help someone else. Because if you can’t help yourself, you can’t help someone else. Quick solutions to this one, making sure you’re checking in with yourself. Two, making sure you’re checking in with your significant other halves, your partners and your children, what, however old they are, how are you feeling?
Nathan Simmonds:
And three, checking in with the teams, the people that you also know that are in your gift, that are in your charge so that you can go and help them and find out how they’re dealing with their own mental challenges, mental health challenges right now while they’re in isolation and lockdown.
Nathan Simmonds:
Important that we ask these questions. The key element to it though, which came up in the big conversation we had with Ross Hardy yesterday, again, you know, when I’m talking and teaching coaching skills, is making sure that we are listening. We don’t come here, we don’t ask the question so that I can just prepare a response or reply. I come here to ask you the question so that you can tell me why, because you are the most important person in the conversation.
Nathan Simmonds:
The moment the conversation becomes about me and how am I, no, not some sort of comm spitting contest or anything like that. I’m here to ask you, how do you feel right now? What and what are you feeling? What’s the best use of those feelings? And I want to hear your responses so that you can do what you need to do to be the best version of yourself today and moving forward. Hope this has been helpful today.
Nathan Simmonds:
We’re at time, so please, let’s light it up on the, on the questions there. What’s been useful from today’s micro learning 20 minutes around emotions? What are, what’s been useful to you? What’s been useful? Give it into one word answers if you want.
Nathan Simmonds:
While those responses are coming up, I just wanna let you all know again that we now have the mental health coaching cards. They’re now available on our website, MBM. It’s five pound 80 questions to help you as leaders ask the right questions at the right stages to help someone on their mental health journey. This day and age right now is imperative, so vital that we start asking the right questions. And many leaders are not asking those questions because they’re concerned they’ve get it wrong.
Nathan Simmonds:
The only thing that we get wrong as leaders is not asking the question ’cause we’re scared of getting it wrong. The moment you ask someone a question to listen and to be humane and to support, you’re doing the right things. And those coaching causes 80 questions in that will help you help them. Five pound. And I think the link’s just up in the webs in the comments. There’s, uh, what have we got? I can be the best version of myself.
Nathan Simmonds:
Yes, just change whatever label you you have applied, or someone you or you let someone else apply, apply to you. Just change the label. Thinking of emotions you are feeling as separate to yourself. Absolutely. Give yourself the space. You are not that thing at an identity level. You have an option of what you want to do with it, how you want to use it, but when you are consumed by it, you cannot do anything with it.
Nathan Simmonds:
How to actively look for alternatives and challenging circumstances, particularly seeing something humorous. It helps how many times has something happened to us? And when you are in the moment, when you’re in player one mode, it is the most horrendous thing that ever happened. But then as we move down the timeline and we look back and go, oh, now we understand why that happened, because that meant I could be here.
Nathan Simmonds:
Oh, that horrendous breakup I had with that person, do you know what? They weren’t actually right for me and because of that, it now means I can be with this person. Thanks for breaking up with me. Really appreciate that. And then you can also take the fine time to find something humorous. There is always something funny about something, you know, if you go looking for it, what is the most intelligent use of my insert emotion?
Nathan Simmonds:
Thank you Andy. Appreciate it. It is useful. It stops us getting caught in the fog and the frustration and the anchors of that, that thinking good. Got me thinking, refocus, challenge my label. Buy my labels. Agreed. Now we spend our whole lives sticking these labels or letting people stick these labels on us and actually, you know, they’ve got no right to, and eventually, you know, it becomes like emotional buckaroo, you know, with the, the plastic donkey getting the, the rope and the hat and all the labels come and eventually the donkey kicks and it’s a mess.
Nathan Simmonds:
Just take the labels off yourself and put new ones on. Shifting my my mindset, I’m sorry, uh, shifting my mindset from worrying about a problem to enjoying the challenge. This, that right there, Claudia, if you take that away from any conversation we have, is, is gold right there.
Nathan Simmonds:
Everything in life is hinged on challenge, friction, uh, positive stress, everything. It’s just whether or not you choose to accept that challenge so you can upgrade your thinking and your approach so you can go and get the bigger challenge. Doesn’t mean life gets easier, pray not for the easy life. Pray for the skillset to, to, um, to succeed at a hard one. I’m not sure I paraphrase the quote, but that is that challenge and that friction is necessary.
Nathan Simmonds:
How to have more control over emotion simply by rephrasing I am versus I feel gold. Absolute gold today has been so good. I have really learned so much, especially that I am declaration. Love it. Do you know what I’m, that is, this is good. Thank you very much. We’ve got a couple more minutes. What questions have you got for me in the next kind of five minutes that are gonna help you with this situation?
Nathan Simmonds:
Anything that I can help around kind of refocusing some of these emotions? What questions have you got for me that I can help with right now? What has been useful? What we’ve done? What’s useful? What, what questions? Any questions? Momentary pause. Remember we’ve got the link for the mental health coaching cards there. We’ve got the link for tomorrow’s session as well.
Nathan Simmonds:
Click through, register on the link, click through, get your coaching cards, how to be considered when the red mist is descending or Yes, yes. Um, I was a very angry child. Horrendously angry. Um, um, I later realized that I was suffering and depression. I didn’t realize at the time. And that anger came out in different ways. Um, which is why I ended up doing a lot of martial arts to help manage those even from a young age. There are times when the red mist is okay.
Nathan Simmonds:
What we live in is we live in this, um, state where to be angry is not okay. You cannot be angry. Truth if you swear your pain threshold goes up. And that’s just from swearing. Um, there is a time for rage, there is a time for red mist and it’s about understanding when you need to do it. I have a 7-year-old daughter. If someone attacks my 7-year-old daughter, my wife, who’s not even a trained fighter, woe, batard, anyone that gets in between those two.
Nathan Simmonds:
There is a time for the red mist. And it’s just understanding, okay, when’s appropriate to use that? Is it gonna be when I’m training in the gym and I want to, I wanna summon that energy to lift heavier weight so I can build stronger muscles. Do I need to use that energy to protect my family in a timeless crisis?
Nathan Simmonds:
So it’s understanding like what’s the thinking that’s causing that? Is the, is it okay to have that emotion and utilize it? Yes, it’s a tool. What is the thinking that’s causing this? Oh, this person said this, this person did that. Oh, okay, what’s the reason they did that? Well, maybe they didn’t understand. Is it because I’m judging them as that they are hurting me or they are making my life harder or they’re causing me a problem?
Nathan Simmonds:
Potentially we get into that judgment and who is the most important conversation? If it’s all about me, me, me. When we shift to them as the most important person, the conversation, then we can say, okay, well actually what’s that person missing? What can I give them that’s gonna help them? What can I share that’s gonna help them to actually have a better day next day? And it’s the same with the martial arts and a lot of the martial arts teachers.
Nathan Simmonds:
You use their power, you bring them in, you shift it and then give it back. And it’s the same that when we’re talking to people, do I want to lose my temper with this person or actually do I need to teach them? Because if I’m angry with you, I can’t teach you. If I can teach you though, I can’t be angry with you. So it’s about understanding when and where we need to use that.
Nathan Simmonds:
Um, how do I address people who choose to be negative regardless? That’s their choice. Does their negativity stop you from being you? Um, something else that I share with people is you are not defined by your environment. You define your environment by what you put into it. ’cause we’re human beings, we have this choice and we do have a choice. Regardless of how angry they’re being with you, you still have a responsibility.
Nathan Simmonds:
I talked about this last week. Your responsibility is actually your ability to respond. Who am I when I’m at my fundamental best? Who am I when I bring, um, when I create pride in the work that I do? Who am I when I create excitement in the work that I’m doing or get excited about, oh, what are those things? What is it I’m doing? How can I do more of that to help these people?
Nathan Simmonds:
Not because they’re negative, but because of who I am In this situation, regardless of what you throw at me, I will still be, regardless of what training session, regardless of who’s in front, I will still be Nathan Simmons and I will still come here to challenge your thinking so that you can become more incredible than yesterday regardless. And it might not be comfortable with some people. I will still do that. Anger can really provide self insight, yet anger is never inflicted on us.
Nathan Simmonds:
So I don’t see the point. Uh, uh, as the person who has made us angrier often, uh, often moves oblivious on balance, living in an angry life state is not healthy. Agreed. Living in high states of stress, you’re constantly dropping cortisol in at the wrong point of the day. Cortisol is actually designed to help wake you up in the morning, the morning and then give you that charge in order to move you forward if you’re being chased by the lions.
Nathan Simmonds:
Thankfully, we don’t get chased by many lions in this country or tigers when we stay in that high stress date. The cortisol is constantly kicking in. But what’s actually happening is certain elements of your system in namely your immune system, is actually staying suppressed or shutting down. So you are heavily, um, you’re producing these hormones which are actually creating an acid state in your body, which then starts to reduce your immune system.
Nathan Simmonds:
Strangely enough or not so strange when you go on holiday and you start to relax and your immune system kicks in, a large percentage of people actually get sick for the first part of their holiday because the stress has gone and they can’t c cover it up. So it’s always a good sign actually, that you are working in either the wrong space or the wrong way that’s causing you this stress absolutely clear on this.
Nathan Simmonds:
Um, and by reducing that stress, by understanding and not controlling, directing the energies and controlling the thinking, directing the energy of your, your emotions will then help you to have a healthier lifestyle, uh, internally and externally. Anger is never inflicted on us. No, we, we. And, and so saying here, anger is never inflicted on. We choose to be angry. I am angry. Great, great, uh, identity, great shift into that perspective. I now become anger. I actually know I’m gonna make use of that. That’s a tool.
Nathan Simmonds:
That’s someone at my boardroom table, that’s a, an executive, that’s a, a department. I can email or phone up and say, I need a bit more anger right now to deal with. Okay? I don’t, I’m not the department. I’m getting the support. I’m calling in the calling in the troops when they’re needed. Hope this has been useful. We are on the half hour mark. 20 minutes of learning, 10 minutes of q and a. Absolutely on point.
Nathan Simmonds:
Register for tomorrow’s session. We’re talking tech for tomorrow. Um, um, Sarah, Sarah says, thanks. So good. Appreciated. Really appreciate your time today. Register tomorrow. We’ll see you tomorrow. Have an incredible rest of your day. Look after yourselves, look after each other, and we’ll speak to you soon. Thank you very much.
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