You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want” – Zig Ziglar.
When I say the word ‘Networking’, most shudder inside. Their thoughts are of ‘I’ve no idea what to say’, ‘In a room full of people I lack confidence’, or ‘I’m not sure what I get from it’. The last phrase is usually an excuse for the first two.
It was 1996, I was in my mid-twenties, and I got invited to the World Prawn Forum – yes, it existed! I was a Buyer for Sainsbury’s. The invite was a swanky thick piece of card, embossed with gold lettering, so I knew it had to be a ‘posh do’, as my Mum would say.
The days up until the event I tried to convince my boss that it would be a waste of my time and how busy I was, but he was steadfast, ‘We buy a big percentage of the prawns in the world, and we must attend’. He was right, of course.
I went. Yep, a big posh do in a historic building in London with 250 people in a huge stately room. There were no mobile phones then, so I couldn’t pretend to be on my phone. I stood like a lemon at the edge of the room. As the famous quote goes, ‘There’s no lonelier place than at the edge of a conversation’. But I wasn’t even on the edge; I had abandoned myself to Greenland – quite fitting for someone who buys prawns! The next 4 hours were excruciating. I hated it and vowed never to do it again.
Of course, I had to do it at the job I had. Deep end after deep end until you have a choice, either to accept the humility of being at the edge of a room (Snowy cold Greenland) or get stuck in. Thankfully, I chose the latter. It wasn’t easy. Here’s what 20 years of networking in person and online have taught me about how and why we must network.
The Why and How of Networking
Why? Paying it forward is the key. I truly believe that if you network for your own gain you’ll fail. If you network to help others, you’ll be successful. It’s one of the 6 laws of persuasion – Reciprocity. It’s a bit like if you invite someone to your birthday party, they’ll probably invite you. You don’t do it to receive. You do it because you want to help, support, be kind…any and all of those. Then, you may get something in return from someone. The world has a way of looking after good people.
How? In the film, A Few Good Men, there’s a wonderful scene where Demi Moore (Established lawyer) is discussing getting Tom Cruise (Hip new lawyer) fired. She says to him angrily when she’s defeated, ‘Is there no-one you don’t play softball with, drink with, or know?!’ When I talk to some people about networking you can see they don’t get it and don’t want to. ‘But Darren we have a process for getting that done’. I reply with, ‘I agree, yes, your business does have a process for that, but there’s a quicker way you could get that done if you knew Bob in accounts who looks after payments.’ <Blank face – You can take a horse to water>.
Networking Tips to Start Today
- Go on LinkedIn, at least weekly and post or comment, or reach out to one person. Otherwise, when you come to need your network, they’ll ask why they should help you when you weren’t around to help them.
- At the Christmas office party, you could stay in your group. I encourage you to speak to one person you haven’t talked to before. You never know when it might come in handy.
- Connect people, whether on LinkedIn or face-to-face. ‘This is Sue, she works in supply chain and Paul works in NPD – You’ve just met a cool person’ <The last part I stole from Ted Lasso>.
- Face-to-face networking event: ‘Hello. I don’t know anyone here. May I join your group, please?’. Every time I have done this, people are so welcoming. What I always thought might be rejection, never has been.
- Steven Covey’s 5th habit: ‘Seek first to understand’. Ask about them. People love to talk about themselves.
Build Your Network in a meaningful way and lead by example.
