‘My confidence is not what it was’
In my coaching calls with coachees one of the main issues they want to discuss is confidence. Their confidence has been hit either by Covid, redundancy, or the pressure of work & having to do new & more things. Whatever the reason, without our confidence we value ourselves less, and question ourselves more, which is difficult place to be.
Confidence is a muscle and like any muscle, with effort, we can make it strong again.
Let’s get you back to being the confident self you once were with these 7 confidence hacks:
#1 – Trick Your Mind into Thinking You’re Not Nervous and that You are Confident
A psychology student recently shared a video on how to trick your brain into thinking that you are not nervous. She’s done all the research, tested this simple theory and found it to work. Well worth a 2-minute watch to know why this phrase below is so powerful.
I’m excited
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#2 – Begin with the End in Mind to Improve Your Confidence
Stephen Covey, the author of the international best-selling book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,’ said in habit #2 – ‘Begin with the End in Mind’. Stephen was advocating that all things are created twice; once in the mind and then once in reality.
If we consider what we want to achieve from the meeting, presentation, or alike then focussing on that end game is important to help us achieve our objectives. If we don’t begin with the end in mind it is a little like Usain Bolt waiting in the blocks for the gun to fire, and thinking, ‘I’ll run fast’. A better thought is, ‘9.58 seconds – that’s what I will achieve.’
Be clear on your outcome. What do you have when you have finished the event? Then, work towards making it happen.
#3 – Yes, Sir!
Most people either don’t prepare for a negotiation or they prepare using Powerpoint slides. Neither will achieve the preparation that leads to confidence in negotiating.
Over the last 20 years of training people to negotiate, I have learnt that preparation, and more importantly, a structured method of preparing is one of the keys to unlocking the door to becoming a great negotiator.
We developed the ‘Squaredance’ one-page A4 template many years ago to help people to prepare effectively for negotiations, which improves their confidence. This template is completely free and like most tools that are really useful, it is very simple. Preparation involves you working through the squaredance template until you have prepared your approach to your negotiation.
Find out about negotiation preparation and download this A4 one page template: https://www.makingbusinessmatter.co.uk/negotiation-preparation/
#4 – Use the Wonder Woman Pose
Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist, bestselling author, award-winning Harvard lecturer, and expert on the behavioural science of power, presence, and prejudice.
In her Ted Talk Amy shares that your body shape may shape who you are. With 72 million views this 21-minute video is well worth watching because it will help you add another edge to your confidence.
Find out how Wonder Woman can help you: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are?subtitle=en/
#5 – Build Your Confidence with the Word-on-Head Technique
Influencing techniques can be seen as adding very little until you realise that the difference between a person accepting and rejecting a deal can be down to a change in your tone, some different words, and/or how you come across with your body. ‘Marginal gains’, as the Olympic British Cycling Coach, Dave Brailsford, suggests.
Every time we go into a meeting, a presentation or a negotiation we have a word on our head. We might not know it but we do. Maybe it is:
- Nervous
- Worried
- Unsure
Sometimes we have the words above on our head and those words, like others we centre on, project in the words we use, our tone, and our body language. Equally, if we choose to focus on words like those below on our head, we change:
- Happy
- Strong
- Assured
Or even…
- Confident
By choosing ‘confidence’ as our word on our head we project confident words, a confident tone and a confident body language.
Choose your word on head next time you want to project confidence.
#6 – Which Talk is the Most Important Type of Talk?
- Self to Others
- Others to Self
- Self to Self
1, 2, or 3?
Of course it’s number 3 – Self to Self.
How do you talk to yourself?
If you were to talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself, would they be your best friend?
Probably not.
Please check-in with yourself and take stock of how you talk to yourself. Could it improve?
#7 – Do You Know the Confidence Equation?
Confidence = Evidence + Validation + Self Belief.
Evidence
Write 3 recent examples of evidence where you rocked.
Validation
Write 3 validations of where you have been told you rocked.
Self Belief
Write 3 examples when you thought you could do something and you did.
